Halloween 2014

Dear Lauren,

look who came to visit today! Who could ask for a better friend? Thank you Aloma! We love you!!

Thirteen

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Thirteen

My thoughts have been on our birthday girl this entire day. Today I am listening to her songs and although it makes me a little sad, my heart is filled with joy as memories of her sweet face and special hugs flood my mind. 13 years ago today she changed our lives as she joined us here on earth. Today we continue to celebrate her life. Ofa atu Ren, I love you so much!!!

Posted by Kiki Fangupo at 9:17 PM

For your 13th birthday everyone gathered at Wasatch Lawn to spend the day at your spot. They rode their bikes and scooters and had cupcakes to celebrate your life and the memories we have of you. I remember your 12th birthday Ren. I flew in to Salt Lake a couple days before and grandma & grandpa picked me up from the airport. We were waiting for news about your lung surgery. I was so sad because I didn't know if you were going to make it to your actual birthday. I thought that the timing was all wrong. Why now? Why, when your birthday was just around the corner? Birthdays are supposed to be a happy time where you shower the birthday person with gifts and eat cake and ice cream. It just wasn't fair. I talked with grandma & grandpa that night on the way to the hospital and grandpa helped put things into perspective for me. He reminded me that we were so lucky to have had you for almost 12 years. And I couldn't help but agree. I couldn't help but feel gratitude in my heart for the almost 12 years we got to spend with you. I remember a special gift that your grandma Sina gave you. I walked into your hospital room as she was getting ready to leave. She had tears in her eyes and she stood over you. At the foot of your bed laid a beautiful blanket. It was one of her signature blankets. She's made them for all of the grandkids, but this one was special. Right when I seen it I started to cry. It was a Tangled blanket just for you. As she left I told her how beautiful it was and she said that she was saving it for your birthday, but felt like it was fitting to give you your gift that day. The day before you surgery. We spent a lot of time at the hospital. Trying to soak up every minute that we could with you. I remember talking with your Mama and being overcome with the peace that she exuded. The next day, after hours of operation, we received news from your team at Primary Children's. You did it. Despite the odds that were placed against you... you did it Ren. You survived your surgery. You made it to 12 years. You did exactly what you said you were going to do. You fought. And you won. On March 22, 2011 we celebrated your survival. We celebrated your strength. We celebrated your life, your love, and the joy that your brought to our family. We celebrated another year that you gave us. Although you are no long here on earth with us, March 22 will always be a special day. A day where we celebrate the life of an Angel. We love you so much and are grateful for another year that we can remember you and the time you blessed us with.


Ofa lahi atu,
Auntie Kiki

Dear Lauren,

Happy birthday, my angel princess! I know it sounds cheesy when people say "I remember it just like it was yesterday....." but I do. I remember the events that took place the day you blessed us w/ your presence. I'll spare you the details but I remember only holding you for a short time because everyone else wanted to hold you, all your beautiful hair, and the conversation that took place as everyone took turns giving you love. I remember a funny moment as we were saying prayer to give thanks for our little angel, the Dr bursts in through the door and practically shouts "hey let's see that little beautiful baby" looks around, sees we're saying prayer, turns around in embarrassment and exits the room all w/in a matter of seconds. I couldn't help but laugh.

Although I miss you more than words can say, I rejoice on this day and reflect on the many birthdays we were fortunate enough to have spent w/ you, as you celebrate your first birthday in heaven. With all the tears I shed as I write you a few words, I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to see you through 12 years. I miss you so much and love you with all my heart, my sweet, sweet princess. Happy 13th birthday!

Love,

Mama

Love, Mei Mei & Leo

Dear Lauren,
the night before we left Salt Lake we decided to all get together and go bowling. Afterwards we went back to Grandma's house and ate and talked a little more. Before everyone left I gave each of the kids a big hug and told them how much I loved them. As they lined up by the door to leave I felt like something was missing. Someone forgot to give me a hug. I panned the room and counted each of the kids. They all gave me hugs, but I was sure that I was missing a hug from someone. I scanned the room again and counted...
Misi,
Constance,
Vince...

...it was you Rennie. You were the missing hug. As soon as I realized that I wasn't going to be getting that 4th hug I stopped my search, waved at your family as they left Grandmas house, and sat quietly at the table. I played back a couple memories of your smiling face and your special hugs. Oh how I miss you.

The bowling crew

One of the first things I saw when I went to Grandma's house for Christmas.
Brought a smile to my face.

Thinking of you constantly,
Auntie Kiki

 Merry Christmas Lauren

The holidays this year were bittersweet. We miss you so much.

Ofa atu,

-Auntie Kiki

Happy Halloween Lauren!

We Love you

Dear Lauren,
It's been a while since I've been home and so I haven't had the chance to visit you but my love for you is just as strong as the first day we were blessed to have you in this world. My heart hurts when I read blogs about you because I miss you so much. Memories of Your shy attitude and your unconditional love for everyone fills my head as I look at pictures of you, but so do tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. I remember your last day here with me and the family and how painful it was to hug you one last time in that hospital bed and u didn't hug me back. Even though I'm glad you are no longer in pain, it makes me sad to know I won't be able to see your beautiful face for a period of time. Through Vince, Constance, and Misi I see a little bit of you in all of them and it brings joy to me knowing they are ok. You give me strength and joy and a reason to try harder to make it back to heaven. Please continue to run out on that field with me every Saturday. I love you more than words could ever explain.
Your uncle and big brother, Fatu.

Sent from my iPhone

Dear Lauren,

we had another angel that made her way back to heaven. Her name is Cindy Ki'hevani Fangupo. When you see her will you tell her that we love her? Take good care of her Ren.

Ofa atu,
Auntie Kiki

Dear Lauren,

guess what? Stennie and Mei Mei performed last night for the first time.

Aren't they cute?! I wasn't able to be there so Neo recorded this. I couldn't stop smiling when I watched it. Look at Mei going up and down. Haha :D
It also makes me a little sad, because I see your sisters, but we're missing 1 of our 3 Little Birds. I know that you would be happy to see them dance though. We would probably be sitting in the audience together... then we would tease Stennie after the show :)

I hope you're doing good Ren.

I'm sure you are.

Love and miss you,
-Auntie Kiki

Dear Lauren,

Just winding down from work. I spoke to a customer who was calling in about her daughter's phone. Guess what her name was, yep, Lauren. The funny thing is she pronounced it the same way I do. I asked her if her daughter's name was Lauren, and she said yes. I've never, ever heard anyone say it like me. I told her I love that name, she probably thought I was weird. Didn't tell her why, because I didn't want to cry. Its been really hard for me not having you here. Every day is a struggle, so many things remind me of you. The littlest things trigger so many memories, its hard because you've always been such a simple girl to please. You were always so grateful with whatever I gave you. And I appreciated it. I love you soooo much! I don't know if you knew that, I hope you did and still do. I miss our talks together when you came over. I miss doing your toe nails, and you helping me with dinner. I MISS YOU!! I know your in a better place. No more pain, no more struggling. Thank you for letting me be apart of your life. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. Thank you for all the lessons you've taught me. I am so happy and honored to have been one of your Aunties. My life has been so blessed because of you. I love you, Lauren!

Love Always and Forever,
Aunty Lini

Dear Lauren,

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too

L♥ve,
Auntie Kiki

Dear Lauren,

Lots has happened since the last time I wrote.... I don't know if I ever got to tell you that you were going to participate in your 6th grade promotion. I know you really wanted to be apart of that special occasion. The night before the big day, I decided that I would go but woke up the next morning, and it was just too painful. A week later your BFF, sweet Aloma got the privilege of promoting from Elementary school to Jr high. I wasn't sure how I would feel about going, but I knew you wouldn't be happy if I didn't. I cried a lot the night before. I cried for you, me, your dad, your aunts and uncles, and your grandparents.... You almost made it, my love! How I would've given anything to see you with your classmates again.

It's Fathers day and also our wedding anniversary. I woke up early to make your dad breakfast, but first decided to write and tell you how much we miss and love you! Today should be double filled with love, and it is, but things just aren't the same. Honestly Ren, I've been so distraught over not being able to see your face every day. I don't know why, but everyday life seems just a little harder and harder for me these days. I miss you oh so much!!!!! I hope you continue to know that we love you with all our hearts and we can't wait till we are together again... One sweet day! LOVE you forever and ever, Princess!

Mama

Dear Lauren,

Been thinking a lot about you. It's hard to balance out these emotions every time I think about your pretty face. I'm happy you're taken care of and that you're no longer in pain, but I miss you so much Ren. I guess that's the thing about being human. We're not very patient. I think about you all the time. There's so many memories of you that warm my heart. The other day I remembered a trip I took out to Salt Lake. We were sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing and your Mama decided that we should get some jumpers. So we got up, got some jumpers, and headed to the park. Whenever I come out to Salt Lake, and we get together as a family, I find myself sitting back and just observing. It makes me so happy just to see every one's smiles. I've blogged about how rich our family is with the love that we share. I remember that day at the park, just watching the smiles and excitement that all the kids had in their faces. I loved it. We watched for a little, then Fatu decided that we should break up into teams and race on the obstacle course. We tried to pair everyone up with people who were of equal physical talent. I got paired with you. Not gonna lie Ren, I was a little offended cause we all know you have 2 left feet :) To my surprise you beat me on the first round. I couldn't believe it and as I waited my turn for round 2 I was sure that I would come out victorious. My adrenaline was pumping and I was ready. Round 2 came, and you beat me again. Sheesh! We had to wrap up early cause it started to rain, but we had so much fun. I'll never forget that Ren, and I'm sure when I see you again, you will remind me that auntie lost to her niece.

I cannot explain how grateful I am to have these memories of you. I feel blessed beyond words to have gotten time granted in this life to spend with you. Thank you for loving me Ren. Thank you for such sweet memories.
Love you always,
Auntie Kiki

Dear Lauren,

Just got back from the trail and everyone was still asleep... I woke up your dad and he immediately starts to go on about his dream. He dreamt he was at the store and you were there. You walked beside him. His voice started to quiver as he told me how in the dream you were annoyed because he was hugging you so tight.... That used to happen all the time remember? I can still see the look on your face and the way your voice sounded as you tried to push him away because he would not let up on the hugs and kisses :) I loved those moments you had together. He said he didn't want to wake up.... As I sat there crying and listening to him talk about how beautiful you looked in the dream, I couldn't help but wonder if you truly understood your dads love for you. How no matter the situation, he was willing to go through anything or work countless hours to make sure you were taken care of. How privileged are we to have had the opportunity to be your parents. We are so grateful to have loved, cared, talked, kissed, and hug you. You are forever in our hearts. I miss you, and I will love you for eternity!

Mama

Dear Lauren,

I know it's been a little while.... It's been hard to say the least. Today marks 2 weeks. It feels like forever! I've been trying to keep busy lately, trying to get my mind off things.... I just keep telling myself that you're away for a little while, but i'll see you again. I know this statement is true. It gives me joy!

I took Stennie to the Dr's office the other day and the Dr asked how you were doing. I looked at him and said "Oh, you don't know..." and tears started to roll down my face. Stennie didn't cry at all, instead she hugged me, patted my leg and asked if I was okay. There are no amount of words that can describe how much I miss you. You are so special! You've touched not only mine, but so many others lives in your short time here with us. A new friend was so touched by your sweet spirit that they wanted to do something special for us. We got to see Bruno Mars. I know you would've loved it, and yes he is just as good live! He sang your song at the very end. I hoped he would. It meant so much to me.

I wonder if we'll ever meet again....

I hope we do..... Somewhere in Brooklyn

I love and miss you always!

Mama

Dear Lauren,
so many songs trigger memories of you. I can't believe how in love I am with Bruno Mars. It doesn't matter what he's singing about. His voice alone reminds me so much of you. I was listening to his station on Pandora today and I heard this song

It evoked an emotion in me. I'm not quite sure how to explain what I felt. I don't think it was hapiness, but maybe a feeling of comfort. I know you're looking down on us Ren.

Mei Mei put these stickers together for you.

I hope you like it. We miss you so much.
Love you always,
-Auntie Kiki, Auntie Neo, Leo, Mei Mei, Nici, Siope & Mote Goose